i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
