Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
