You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I believe in your delicious
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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