There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
