Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
