fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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