maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
