it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
