During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
