i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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