I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
