So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
