I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
