How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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