i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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