you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
