I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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