Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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