Is it because I queefed?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
