dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I see more hoeing in ur future
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