were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
