and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
