im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
