Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
