people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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