All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's shark week go big or go home
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
