if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
