I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
