Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
