I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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