he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
