it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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