How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Every concussion has its silver lining
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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