I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
