Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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