me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
