that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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