it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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