the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
