My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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