i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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