Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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