We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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