remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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