Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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