Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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