Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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