he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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