just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
