I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my nose is crying tears of wow.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
