Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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