I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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