What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
