u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
