I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
