my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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