is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
