So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
