Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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