i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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