Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
