this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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