I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
