I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
