I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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