i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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