i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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