awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
