he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
