I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
